Devine Intervention

Tell the Truth

"It'd be so tubular if steroids gave me an edge AND fixed the crater-sized indent on my chin."

You've probably heard this one million-zillion times, but...take this to heart.  Seriously, if The Daily Greaser teaches you one thing, outside the fact that Chris and Meert know anything and everything there is to know about sports, let this be it: tell the truth.  

Yes, as simple as that.  

Now you might be wondering, why bring this up on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of April and how in the world could this possibly relate to sports?

Well, I've got the Orioles and Yankees on and just watched a truly remarkable play.  Let me paint the picture for you.

It's the bottom of the first inning from Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Andy Pettitte on the bump for New York...Brian Roberts at the dish for the Orioles.  Roberts hits a Pettitte offering right back to the mound...Pettitte throws to Jason Giambi at first base for the 1-3 putout.

Simple, right?

Wrong.

All three players have something in common.  That's right, each used and abused some form of performance enhancing drugs...but more importantly, each admitted their wrongdoings and continued on with their baseball careers.

Funny how America forgives and forgets, huh?  Americans continually forgive athletes that acknowledge their mistakes.

So I say to all disgraced athletes from Michael Vick to Barry Bonds to Roger Clemens...if you had just told the truth....

Mike: you might not be taking snaps from the man in Cell D that wants to be more than friends.

Barry: you might have received a contract offer from Tampa Bay or Kansas City and the city of San Francisco might not have erased you from memory.

Roger: well, the verdict is still out on you...but if you did lie, I wonder orange jumpsuits have a pinstripe option.

Nonetheless, it's always best to tell the truth.  I'm not saying it cures everything...I mean just look at Andy Pettitte's chin...but if you just come clean, more often than not, you'll be better off.

I Guess Free Throws Do Matter

"No, I don't think free throws will decide this championship game, even if we do shoot -47%."

Press conference after press conference John Calipari was asked about his Memphis Tigers' horrendous free throw shooting, and press conference after press conference Calipari answered with the same basic statement. It went somewhere along the lines of this, "We have the ability to shoot free throws, we just aren't concentrating."

Well coach, I can only assume your players weren't concentrating down the stretch in Monday's National Championship game because they definitely weren't making their free throws. The Tigers made six of their 22 free throw attempts in the game, or 27%. That's on a level with UVa's Ryan Pettinella. It gets worse when the game was on the line in the last 1:15 of regulation. Memphis' three star players, freshman Derrick Rose and junior Chris Douglas-Roberts, and soon to be 25 year old senior Joey Dorsey, made only one out of their five free throw attempts. When the game was on the line, they made 20% of their free throws. That's on a level with Doug Gottlieb.

In no way am I discrediting the Kansas Jayhawks because they played an amazing game, but for all the highflying ability these Memphis Tigers had, and they had a lot of it, the championship game came down to the simple act of free throw shooting.

Before the final on Monday, Calipari was once again asked about his team's, and in particular Douglas-Roberts and Rose, ability to shoot free throws and he responded with, "These kids are tough, and tough minded kids will make their free throws."

I guess they're not so tough minded after all, John.

Decisions, Decisions

Raise your hand if you were really surprised by UNC's Final Four collapse? I'll be completely honest, if I were a betting man, I would have put a few bucks on the Carolina. Roy Williams is an elite coach and the Tar Heels were playing out of their minds through the first four rounds of the tournament.

But then something changed--most notably the state.

That's right, UNC actually had to leave the state of North Carolina to play an NCAA Tournament game.  Fascinating how the moment they traveled more than 90 minutes outside of Chapel Hill they get pounded into the hardwood.  However, did anyone catch a glimpse of an athletic big man taking care of Tyler Hansbrough?

Uh oh, it looks like the cat is out of the bag.  Thank you Darrell Arthur.

The Daily Greaser touched on this subject last week, but we will say it again: Tyler Hansbrough is overrated, plain and simple.

He's a great college player.  Hanbrough plays with incredible intensity and collects his fair share of garbage points--but that's it.  

Does he have a decent outside shot? Perhaps.  Does he have a decent low post game? Maybe.  Does he have an abundance of energy and heart?  You betcha.  But these characteristics don't necessarily make NBA GM's salivate.  We all know passion can only take you so far in life.

Right now, Psycho-T is sitting somewhere in Chapel Hill weighing his NBA options.  Here's my advice: go back to school.  Honestly, of course you'll get drafted.  But here's the catch, you're not big enough to bang down low with the pro's and you're not athletic enough nor do you possess a good enough jump shot to hang with the NBA's power forwards.

Save yourself the embarrassment one more year and head back to Chapel Hill.  You can put on that baby blue jersey, march out for senior night and force up ugly shots against subpar, ACC big men.

After that, you'll have a degree from North Carolina and the opportunity to ride the pine for years to come.  When you get off the bench one night, you can post up on the block, turn into traffic, hear the non-existent whistle and watch as Dwight Howard sends your shot right back down your throat.

But let's wipe away the tears, man up and hit the books for one more year.  Then get dominated in the pro's.

Kevin Love at Practice

The Daily Greaser is well aware that Kansas and Memphis will play for the National Championship tomorrow night.  However, Final Four loss or not, we must give Kevin Love some, well...love.  Seriously...this is plain dirty.  Take a look.

Another Favorite Past-time of a Gator Fan

Don't Blame it on Bartman?

Four-and-a-half years have passed on since the 2003 NLCS and the infamous fly ball that escaped the glove of Moises Alou.  The mishap was blamed on Steve Bartman, the overly zealous Cubs fan who reached up to catch the foul ball.  

Sure, every fan with a functioning brain would have let Alou make a stab at the ball, but let's also remember that Bartman was most likely sucking down copious quantities of over-priced beer that night and had an outrageously goofy set of headphones on.  Couple that with his allegiance to the Cubs, a pure indication that he lacks brain activity, and you can see why Bartman may have "interfered" with the Cubs' left fielder.  (Never mind he and 20 other drunk fans were reaching for the same ball)

You're probably scratching your head and asking, why bring this up now?  

Well on Wednesday, Moises Alou told the Associated Press that he probably wouldn't have made the catch, regardless of Bartman.  

Hold up.  Are you kidding me?  Moises, you wait four-and-a-half years to come clean?  This poor man has been run clear out of the Windy City and his seat at Wrigley is now a tourist attraction.  

Seriously, Moises Alou, you're a turd.  

A huge, colossal turd.  

Considering your huge temper tantrum in left field following the play, most would assume Bartman stole your glove, caught the ball and then bashed your face in with it.  

But no, it turns out that you're just a giant turd, and did what most giant turds do: cry in left field when they get out-muscled by a miniscule fan for a foul ball and then exonerate the scapegoat almost five years after the fact.

Touché, Moses, touché. 

I hope Billy Sianis' goat comes back to life and eats you; then you'll have something to cry about.