Don't Blame it on Bartman?

Four-and-a-half years have passed on since the 2003 NLCS and the infamous fly ball that escaped the glove of Moises Alou.  The mishap was blamed on Steve Bartman, the overly zealous Cubs fan who reached up to catch the foul ball.  

Sure, every fan with a functioning brain would have let Alou make a stab at the ball, but let's also remember that Bartman was most likely sucking down copious quantities of over-priced beer that night and had an outrageously goofy set of headphones on.  Couple that with his allegiance to the Cubs, a pure indication that he lacks brain activity, and you can see why Bartman may have "interfered" with the Cubs' left fielder.  (Never mind he and 20 other drunk fans were reaching for the same ball)

You're probably scratching your head and asking, why bring this up now?  

Well on Wednesday, Moises Alou told the Associated Press that he probably wouldn't have made the catch, regardless of Bartman.  

Hold up.  Are you kidding me?  Moises, you wait four-and-a-half years to come clean?  This poor man has been run clear out of the Windy City and his seat at Wrigley is now a tourist attraction.  

Seriously, Moises Alou, you're a turd.  

A huge, colossal turd.  

Considering your huge temper tantrum in left field following the play, most would assume Bartman stole your glove, caught the ball and then bashed your face in with it.  

But no, it turns out that you're just a giant turd, and did what most giant turds do: cry in left field when they get out-muscled by a miniscule fan for a foul ball and then exonerate the scapegoat almost five years after the fact.

Touché, Moses, touché. 

I hope Billy Sianis' goat comes back to life and eats you; then you'll have something to cry about.