Devine Intervention

Tell the Truth

"It'd be so tubular if steroids gave me an edge AND fixed the crater-sized indent on my chin."

You've probably heard this one million-zillion times, but...take this to heart.  Seriously, if The Daily Greaser teaches you one thing, outside the fact that Chris and Meert know anything and everything there is to know about sports, let this be it: tell the truth.  

Yes, as simple as that.  

Now you might be wondering, why bring this up on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of April and how in the world could this possibly relate to sports?

Well, I've got the Orioles and Yankees on and just watched a truly remarkable play.  Let me paint the picture for you.

It's the bottom of the first inning from Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Andy Pettitte on the bump for New York...Brian Roberts at the dish for the Orioles.  Roberts hits a Pettitte offering right back to the mound...Pettitte throws to Jason Giambi at first base for the 1-3 putout.

Simple, right?

Wrong.

All three players have something in common.  That's right, each used and abused some form of performance enhancing drugs...but more importantly, each admitted their wrongdoings and continued on with their baseball careers.

Funny how America forgives and forgets, huh?  Americans continually forgive athletes that acknowledge their mistakes.

So I say to all disgraced athletes from Michael Vick to Barry Bonds to Roger Clemens...if you had just told the truth....

Mike: you might not be taking snaps from the man in Cell D that wants to be more than friends.

Barry: you might have received a contract offer from Tampa Bay or Kansas City and the city of San Francisco might not have erased you from memory.

Roger: well, the verdict is still out on you...but if you did lie, I wonder orange jumpsuits have a pinstripe option.

Nonetheless, it's always best to tell the truth.  I'm not saying it cures everything...I mean just look at Andy Pettitte's chin...but if you just come clean, more often than not, you'll be better off.

I Guess Free Throws Do Matter

"No, I don't think free throws will decide this championship game, even if we do shoot -47%."

Press conference after press conference John Calipari was asked about his Memphis Tigers' horrendous free throw shooting, and press conference after press conference Calipari answered with the same basic statement. It went somewhere along the lines of this, "We have the ability to shoot free throws, we just aren't concentrating."

Well coach, I can only assume your players weren't concentrating down the stretch in Monday's National Championship game because they definitely weren't making their free throws. The Tigers made six of their 22 free throw attempts in the game, or 27%. That's on a level with UVa's Ryan Pettinella. It gets worse when the game was on the line in the last 1:15 of regulation. Memphis' three star players, freshman Derrick Rose and junior Chris Douglas-Roberts, and soon to be 25 year old senior Joey Dorsey, made only one out of their five free throw attempts. When the game was on the line, they made 20% of their free throws. That's on a level with Doug Gottlieb.

In no way am I discrediting the Kansas Jayhawks because they played an amazing game, but for all the highflying ability these Memphis Tigers had, and they had a lot of it, the championship game came down to the simple act of free throw shooting.

Before the final on Monday, Calipari was once again asked about his team's, and in particular Douglas-Roberts and Rose, ability to shoot free throws and he responded with, "These kids are tough, and tough minded kids will make their free throws."

I guess they're not so tough minded after all, John.

Decisions, Decisions

Raise your hand if you were really surprised by UNC's Final Four collapse? I'll be completely honest, if I were a betting man, I would have put a few bucks on the Carolina. Roy Williams is an elite coach and the Tar Heels were playing out of their minds through the first four rounds of the tournament.

But then something changed--most notably the state.

That's right, UNC actually had to leave the state of North Carolina to play an NCAA Tournament game.  Fascinating how the moment they traveled more than 90 minutes outside of Chapel Hill they get pounded into the hardwood.  However, did anyone catch a glimpse of an athletic big man taking care of Tyler Hansbrough?

Uh oh, it looks like the cat is out of the bag.  Thank you Darrell Arthur.

The Daily Greaser touched on this subject last week, but we will say it again: Tyler Hansbrough is overrated, plain and simple.

He's a great college player.  Hanbrough plays with incredible intensity and collects his fair share of garbage points--but that's it.  

Does he have a decent outside shot? Perhaps.  Does he have a decent low post game? Maybe.  Does he have an abundance of energy and heart?  You betcha.  But these characteristics don't necessarily make NBA GM's salivate.  We all know passion can only take you so far in life.

Right now, Psycho-T is sitting somewhere in Chapel Hill weighing his NBA options.  Here's my advice: go back to school.  Honestly, of course you'll get drafted.  But here's the catch, you're not big enough to bang down low with the pro's and you're not athletic enough nor do you possess a good enough jump shot to hang with the NBA's power forwards.

Save yourself the embarrassment one more year and head back to Chapel Hill.  You can put on that baby blue jersey, march out for senior night and force up ugly shots against subpar, ACC big men.

After that, you'll have a degree from North Carolina and the opportunity to ride the pine for years to come.  When you get off the bench one night, you can post up on the block, turn into traffic, hear the non-existent whistle and watch as Dwight Howard sends your shot right back down your throat.

But let's wipe away the tears, man up and hit the books for one more year.  Then get dominated in the pro's.

Kevin Love at Practice

The Daily Greaser is well aware that Kansas and Memphis will play for the National Championship tomorrow night.  However, Final Four loss or not, we must give Kevin Love some, well...love.  Seriously...this is plain dirty.  Take a look.

Another Favorite Past-time of a Gator Fan

Don't Blame it on Bartman?

Four-and-a-half years have passed on since the 2003 NLCS and the infamous fly ball that escaped the glove of Moises Alou.  The mishap was blamed on Steve Bartman, the overly zealous Cubs fan who reached up to catch the foul ball.  

Sure, every fan with a functioning brain would have let Alou make a stab at the ball, but let's also remember that Bartman was most likely sucking down copious quantities of over-priced beer that night and had an outrageously goofy set of headphones on.  Couple that with his allegiance to the Cubs, a pure indication that he lacks brain activity, and you can see why Bartman may have "interfered" with the Cubs' left fielder.  (Never mind he and 20 other drunk fans were reaching for the same ball)

You're probably scratching your head and asking, why bring this up now?  

Well on Wednesday, Moises Alou told the Associated Press that he probably wouldn't have made the catch, regardless of Bartman.  

Hold up.  Are you kidding me?  Moises, you wait four-and-a-half years to come clean?  This poor man has been run clear out of the Windy City and his seat at Wrigley is now a tourist attraction.  

Seriously, Moises Alou, you're a turd.  

A huge, colossal turd.  

Considering your huge temper tantrum in left field following the play, most would assume Bartman stole your glove, caught the ball and then bashed your face in with it.  

But no, it turns out that you're just a giant turd, and did what most giant turds do: cry in left field when they get out-muscled by a miniscule fan for a foul ball and then exonerate the scapegoat almost five years after the fact.

Touché, Moses, touché. 

I hope Billy Sianis' goat comes back to life and eats you; then you'll have something to cry about.

What Florida Gators Fans Do In Their Spare Time.

Say it ain't so Tom Crean

Tom Crean is an idiot. There I said it, everything is cleared up now. ESPN and several other news agencies are reporting that Crean has taken the Indiana University job. Now most of you will say, "Oh good for him, I hope he succeeds." Me? I hope he fails, I hope he fails miserably. I hope his stint at Indiana resembles Doug Gottlieb at the free throw line. With that I mean downright ugly and as effective as bowling with cinder blocks. He is leaving a program, Marquette, that he has essentially built up after the program to a level not seen in Milwaukee since legendary coach Al McGuire roamed courtside. Crean took an underachieving Conference USA program and turned it into an annual contender in the Big East. Crean took Marquette to its first Final Four in over 25 years in 2003 and is throwing that away to take the head job at Indiana. 

The talking heads will say its a step up but I don't care what they say, it is a step down. Indiana is an old elephant carcass. It was once a great program but hasn't been a real contender since the 1980's. Even though they proclaim themselves to be the pride of the Hoosier state, they have signed a grand total of one 5 star rated homegrown high school player since Rivals.com started handing out star ratings. If you were wondering who that player is, it's the infamous Eric Gordon, and let's just say that if Kelvin Sampson weren't running up his phone bill, IU would have had the same chance of signing Gordon as I would have at tackling "the runaway beer truck" Owen Schmitt. 

Crean is making a grandiose mistake and as much as The Daily Greaser likes the guy, I won't be able to help myself from giggling like a schoolgirl when Crean is shipped out of the door after finding out what a rotten job Indiana really is.

Former Albemarle Patriot Shines in College

Here at The Daily Greaser, we like to give credit where credit is due.  For instance, if you're an insanely obese individual choking down a cheeseburger that's at least three times the size of a normal human head, we'll gladly display your face below our blog name.  And if you're a former Albemarle Patriot shaking things up in Division I Lacrosse, we'll give you props as well.  

Enter Stephen Murray.  

The 6-4 midfielder entered the Carrier Dome with the rest of his Loyola Greyhound teammates this past Saturday and fought one of the nation's premiere lacrosse programs: the Syracuse Orange.  

In the third quarter, Murray was being pressed by the Orange defense and, while positioned slightly left of the net, ripped a shot into the back of the cage.  SU goalie John Galloway had no chance.  

Murray's second goal of the season sent the small group of Greyhound faithful into a frenzy and brought Loyola within striking distance.  The Orange, however, pulled away and now sits a top the national polls.  

Still, The Daily Greaser gives credit where credit is due, and tonight, we give a shout out to a kid that carried a stick of deodorant and a plastic spoon around with him in high school.  

Here's to you Stevie, you make us proud.

NL Prediction Time

Big time names switched affiliations over the winter and now find themselves floating around the National League. Who you ask? Well if you've been living under the proverbial rock or simply engaged in uncontrollable laughter after hearing a reference to Doug Gottlieb, you might have missed Johan Santana's move to Queens, Dan Haren's venture to the desert, or even Joe Torre's move to LA.  Don't worry though, The Daily Greaser's been keeping tabs on the Hot Stove while you were enjoying college basketball.  So, without further a due, here's a look at what you can expect from the National League in 2008.

National League

East: New York Mets

Tough call this year in the East with both New York in Philadelphia.  Last year we saw the Mets' catastrophic meltdown and watched as the Phillies swept in to snatch up the division crown.  This year, I give the edge back to the Mets.  The off-season acquisition of Johan Santana cannot be overstated--he's the best pitcher in baseball, hands down.  Plus, he's switching to the NL where, let's be honest, they only send up 8 legitimate hitters at a time.  The race will be a tight one, but New York's got a tough pitching staff, especially if Pedro Martinez comes back strong.  Jose Reyes is one of the most exciting players in all of baseball and David Wright is an absolute stud over in the hot corner.  Expect a close race.  Edge: Metropolitans 

Central: Chicago Cubs

Let's face it, the Central last  year was horrid.  I know the race got interesting with the Brewers' hot

start and late Cardinals' run, but nobody likes to watch baseball's version of the NBA playoff chase.  I happen to like my playoff teams well above .500.  Moving on, the Cubs have the edge this season.  Kerry Wood finally seems to be healthy, knock on wood.  But don't really knock on wood, because knowing Wood, in some taboo-ish way, he'll get injured again and The Daily Greaser will get lumped in the same category as Steve Bartman and that stupid goat.  And although he got mauled in his first save opportunity, I'd be willing to bet he's going to be fine this season.  Factor in Carlos Zambrano actually living up to his potential and winning the 20 games he should each season along with Derrick Lee playing the role of lumberjack, I'll go out on a limb and say Chicago will take the Central.

West: Arizona Diamondbacks

The West should be a pretty intriguing division to watch this season.  The Giants finally cut the tie with Barry Bonds and the Diamondbacks added a stud in Dan Haren.  The question is, will the D-backs repeat as division champs in 2008?  The answer: yes.  Brandon Webb followed up his 2006 Cy Young campaign with 18 wins in 2007.  Plus, Webb's a Wildcat.  Yes, 6-2 right-hander hails from Ashland, KY and played his college ball at the University of Kentucky--that ALWAYS gives you an edge.  But the race should be tough.  After all, the Rockies mustered up some postseason magic and made it to the World Series last year and the Padres still sport last year's CY Young winner in Jake Peavy.  The Dodgers could make some noise too with the addition of Andruw Jones in center and Joe Torre on the bench.  Still, Brandon Webb pitched in Lexington--edge: Arizona.

Wild Card: Philadelphia Phillies

The Wild Card will most certainly come out of the East or West once again this season.

I like the Phillies this year.  Ryan Howard is an absolute machine and is good for at least 40 bombs and the consumption of 3 small children.  Add in shortstop Jimmy Rollins who quietly took home an MVP award and Gold Glove, and you've got yourself a contending lineup.  Cole Hamels is a star in the making and Jamie Moyer is well...well, he's old for one...but he'll still get even the youngest of guns off balance with that filthy change up.  Look for Philly to edge out San Diego and Colorado.

Recap

NL East: New York

NL Central: Chicago

NL West: Arizona

Wild Card: Philadelphia

Notes: Sadly, the Nationals do not complete the first undefeated season of all time--I lied; April Fools?